I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I booty called her while she was in labor.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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