cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
