we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
