YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
