How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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