I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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