i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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