I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
