Your tits are I can't wait for
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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