Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
