My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
