ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
