Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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