I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
