no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
