I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
