So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
