I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
