I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
