Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Randomize
