I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize