how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
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