if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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