OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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