I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
pray to the hookup gods
Randomize
