Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
