i will never coherently bang her
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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