M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
