You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
