im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
