I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
