i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
