Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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