I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Randomize
