When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My Sexting was not on an AP level
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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