And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
