We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
