you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
COCAINE IS GR8
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My bed smells like the plague
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