guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
