She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
