You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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