Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
