Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
