Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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