he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
