She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
