I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
