If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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