You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
