do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
