I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
