Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
