My first STD was from a foam party
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
