CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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