I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
