I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I stole a fireplace last night.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
